Grain and bread, soon be dead.

It may not look like much but this is another episode in the ongoing "Edible things trying to finish off Carpathian" series. One minute an almost white slice of bread, the next minute (if that long) smoke billowed under the kitchen door and I had to yank the plug from the wall and virtually put the bread out.

The fire alarm two rooms away shouted excitedly that it hadn't seen so much smoke for ages and the kitchen resembled something used for smoking fish. Some two hours later my eyes are still watering. So, that's cereal and now toast lining up to find ever more inventive ways to draw a line under me.

Coming next week: Crumpets in freak knife throwing incident.